Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
