walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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