I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
