My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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