In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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