Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
