FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
As shirtless as possible
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
