His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
