I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
