I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
