it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
