You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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