Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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