I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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