I'm lost and stupid without you.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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