you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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