those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't deserve a penis
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
