I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
