Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
