I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
