Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
