I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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