i can't believe i had my finger in that
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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