Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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