She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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