you have to choose: penises or morals?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
