Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
