Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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