I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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