Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize