I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
