I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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