She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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