About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
