I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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