You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize