I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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