the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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