i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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