just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
