Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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