what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
