Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
