so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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