I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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