barbara walters just said penis...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
