actually, I'm a sock model
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
