My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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