So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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