You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
