he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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