i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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