Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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