So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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