but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
