did you get engaged???
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
