she was so not down for the gang bang
i was born a porn star she said
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
