U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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