i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
