she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
