i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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