Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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