why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
