The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
