I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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