is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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